Freedom

Hi Everyone,

First of all I want to thank everyone that has read my blog and been so kind. I am not an english major…nor will I ever be…I see now that is one of the many things that God will use to keep my writings humble. Every word I write must come from Him and not myself.

This is a picture of me in 2016 after I had just finished walking 870km (540.59mi) to Santiago de Compostela in Galicia, Spain. I chose to walk The French Way or Camino frances because it is the most popular route. I was walking quite a few of the miles by myself and thought I would feel safest on a busy route. I never ever felt unsafe on my walk. I started walking June 4th from St. Jean-Pied_de_Port and finished on July 23rd in Finisterre….better known as The End of The World. You maybe wondering…what took me so long? First of all you need to know I am not an athlete. The fact that I felt called by God to do this walk is difficult for me to understand. Even my sister was like, ” so Shari, you know this is a long walk right? Its what athletes do…” I still have to chuckle since I had no idea…I just knew I had to do it. I have been blessed with endurance in my life so I can tell you now…inner endurance and shear will is what got me through it. And a lot of prayer. When you look at the sky at night and see all the stars shining….thats now how I visualize how many people God sent to pray me through the loss of our son. All those lights…lighting Gods way.

As I revealed in my first writings…I feel one day I am to walk alongside other grieving parents on a long walk. So today I thought I would tell more about my journey and just answer some general questions about it.

I took 7 weeks to walk it. I wanted to stop in the big cities (Pamplona, Burgos, Leon, and of course…Santiago) for at least 2 nights. Then I wanted to walk all the way to Finisterre since that is what the early pilgrims did to get their scallop shell. They then took it back to their parish as proof they had done the walk. Now as pilgrims you buy a scallop shell to hang off of your back pack and a passport (Credential) before you begin. The shell is your sign to others you are a pilgrim. When you walk into the different towns you get stamps in your passport to prove that you have walked that day. When you walk into Santiago you go the pilgrims office and get your “Compostela” for completing your walk. If you only walk the last 100km of the trail…then you much get two stamps a day. Then when you walk to Finisterre, they all have a “diploma” from their pilgrims office there as well. I did hear of a place about half way that I could’ve gotten one more diploma but I got into that town too late.

I tried not to walk more than 15 miles (25km) a day. It was especially hard when I got some bad blisters on my feet around Burgos. I can tell you that I slowed down quite a bit for about a week which made some long days for me. I still had to make the mileage due to my reservations that I had a travel agent make for me long before I left Texas. Two days my feet were really bad. One of those days I gave myself a break after walking 4-5 hours and took a taxi to my next hotel. The second day I walked about 7 hours and realized I better take a taxi or I’d be walking in the dark by myself. I really tried not to have to take any rides but sometimes you just have to follow your bodies lead. And thats why they say….”its your Camino, do it your way”. To me this pilgrimage was about God continuing the healing He had started in me. The thought of meeting new friends was not even a thought….I have to laugh at myself now and I am so grateful for each and every friend he gave me on that walk.

Now looking back I see a strength that I never knew I had in me. And it is this strength that pushes me to be and do better. To let Him heal all the parts of me so that He can use me to help other parents see there is a path to the healing of this horrific grief.

About a year after our son had passed I remember thinking…hmmmmm….I am still here. What is life going to look like now? And honestly, I was shocked I was still here on this earth. I never dreamed I could make it through such a tragedy. I thought, can I ever feel the full joy that I used to feel…the happiness… will I ever resemble who I once was? There was a part of me that wasn’t sure if I would. I felt such a loss of freedom and I had to dig deep to find it again. The Camino gave me that opportunity to feel freedom again. The freedom to reclaim who I always was inside but also the new me. The new me that felt life in a whole new way. An appreciation to get out and do things I want to do. Not just talk about it. I now get that each of us only have a limited time on this earth…and that our time here is preparing us for our heavenly jobs. God is not done with me or you yet. You will know when the time is right…and only you will know. We all do grief differently and on our own time line. It can not be rushed. (I know…I really wanted to run through it)

I think of this verse quite a lot…a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. Ecc 3: 4

And I am glad its time to dance again…